why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
