I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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