i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
