I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
