i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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