i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
