If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
