So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
