That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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