he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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