He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
