you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
