I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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