His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
one might say we're banned from that church
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
