Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
