Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
