Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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