highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My life is pants optional.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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