why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
