is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
