I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
