I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
