I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
