her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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