I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
