I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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