and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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