i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
