Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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