Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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