he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
