i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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