I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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