Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
