I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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