Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
