Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
