So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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