All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
