The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
