I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
