I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
