The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
