I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
