i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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