this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
