I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she told me i tasted like america
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
