I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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