My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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