wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
