Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
