Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I faked an abortion last night.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Randomize
